Sometimes as a pastor, it would be easier to say, “Last week’s Scripture from the Sermon on the Mount was Matthew 5:27-30, and this week’s Scripture is Matthew 5:33-37.  We’re just going to skip over verses 31 and 32, because they’re really tough.  But as a pastor I’ve long believed that the easy way is usually, if not always, the wrong way in the Kingdom of God.  So, today we ARE going to turn to Matthew 5:31-32 to see what Jesus had to say about divorce.  (As we read His words in the MOT and NLT, I invite you once again to read along in your own Bible if you have it with you.)  Please stand with me as we read God’s word aloud together:  ³¹And it was said, “Whoever dismisses his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce. MOT  ³¹“You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ NLT

³²But I (Myself) say to you that all the ones dismissing their wives apart from a matter of sexual immorality make her to commit adultery, and whoever a dismissed woman marries commits adultery. MOT ³²But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. NLT  Let’s pray……  Amen.  (Please be seated.)  We live in a culture where nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, so we read Jesus’ words and say, “He couldn’t possibly have understood what it was going to be like 2,000 years after spoke those words about divorce.”  Actually, He could.  In Jesus’ day, women had virtually no rights.  When it came to divorce, the Law of Moses had come to be interpreted in such a way that a man could divorce his wife for just about any reason at all, or for no reason at all.   Women were afraid to get married, because they had no security, and once a woman was divorced, she became a social outcast.  In that context, Jesus raised the matter of divorce, and of what the Law of Moses said about it: ³¹And it was said, “Whoever dismisses his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce.  One wonders whether Jesus paused here to give His disciples time to consider what He might say next.  After all, so far Jesus had redefined murder and adultery in terms that made all of them guilty of those sins.  Jesus had made it clear there’s always more to the Law than just the plain stating of it.  For Jesus the way a person lives is more a matter of the heart than merely of outward action.  What WOULD He say about divorce?  We know what He said.  We read it together a few minutes ago.  We may have read it many times before as well.  THE QUESTION IS:  What impact do Jesus’ words have on us who call ourselves His followers in 2008?  Let’s read the words again, and consider their impact for today:  ³²But I (Myself) say to you that all the ones dismissing their wives apart from a matter of sexual immorality make her to commit adultery, and whoever a dismissed woman marries commits adultery. MOT  ³²But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. NLT Jesus started His comments on divorce with an emphatic statement “ego lego—I Myself say.”  Matthew captured the reality that Jesus didn’t just say “lego—I say,” but “ego lego-I myself say.” He wanted us to understand that this was a matter of extreme importance, and the words He spoke carried the authority of His position as the Son of God.  What Jesus said narrowed the legitimate reasons for divorce from “anything and everything” to one: “sexual immorality.” 

     I want to address something right now before we move on to discuss Jesus’ words in greater depth.  The matter is abuse.  When Jesus said the ONLY reason for divorce is sexual immorality was He saying that a spouse must endure abuse—physical or emotional, since abuse isn’t “sexual immorality”?  Absolutely not!  The word Jesus used, which I translated “sexual immorality” in the MOT, which the NLT translates “unless she has been unfaithful, and which the NIV translates “marital unfaithfulness” is the Greek word “porneia.”  From that word we get the English word “pornography.” 

     Porneia is a distortion of God’s intended order regarding sexuality.  If we go back to Genesis 2:24 where God defines the marriage relationship between a man and woman we find this:  ²⁴For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.   God’s intention was that a man and woman would LEAVE their father and mother; CLEAVE to one another; and ACHIEVE ONENESS, a oneness that is physical, emotional and spiritual.  Sin has changed all that.  In fact, that there’s ANY reason at all for divorce in our world stems back to the original sin of Adam and Eve.  Porneia, one of many sins that resulted from Adam and Eve’s original sin of seeking to be like God, is a distortion of God’s intended order of LEAVing, CLEAVing, and ACHIEVing oneness.  While it’s typically translated as sexual immorality, or unfaithfulness, Porneia’s meaning at the deepest level is: breaking of God’s intention for the relationship between a husband and a wife.  Thus, when a husband physically abuses his wife, or constantly berates her and beats her down emotionally, or when a wife does the same to her husband, that is “porneia,” because it destroys both “cleaving” and “achieving oneness.”

     When Jesus addressed divorce in another situation, He made it clear that He would rather talk about the permanence of marriage than its destruction.  The Pharisees came to Him, seeking to trap Him, as they often did. They knew John the Baptizer had been imprisoned, because he had challenged King Herod for taking his brother Phillip’s wife as his own wife.  So here’s what they asked Jesus:  “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”  They assumed that however Jesus answered, word would get back to King Herod that Jesus had spoken against divorce, and maybe Herod would do the same thing to Jesus he’d done to John—first arrest, then execute him.

           ³Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” 

           ⁴“Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”

           ⁵But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. ⁶But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation.  ⁷‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, ⁸and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ⁹let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

          ¹⁰Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. ¹¹He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. ¹²And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”  Mark 10:2b-12 NLT

     Jesus believed in the permanence of marriage.  He saw it’s foundation in the order of creation as a covenant between a man and a woman who would leave, cleave and achieve oneness, just as we’ve already seen.  Jesus quoted Genesis 2:24 in His response.  Divorce was, as Jesus put it, a “concession” to our hard hearts as human beings.  Jesus made it clear that the intention of God is for the two who become one in marriage to remain as one.  In His additional comments to His disciples He made it clear that not only when a husband divorces his wife and marries someone else does he commit adultery against her, but also when a wife divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery against him.  This is the only place in Scripture where women are put on the same footing as men when it comes to divorce.  The footing is equally perilous, since the result is committing adultery in either case.

     Now, having laid out the case that God intends for marriage to be permanent, that divorce is only permissible – not mandatory, but permissible--for reasons of “porneia” —marital unfaithfulness or breaking the original LEAVE, CLEAVE and ACHIEVE ONENESS mandate of marriage, what instruction can we draw for our day, when the average marriage lasts just three years, and divorces are easier to obtain than building permits?  First, we draw this instruction:  1) Marriage is ordered by God in the fabric of creation and is intended to be permanent.  All too often folks—even Christians—enter marriage with the attitude: if it doesn’t “work out,” we can always get a divorce.  Marriage vows in Christian wedding services contain the phrase “till death do us part,” or “as long as we both shall live,” in order to make it clear that marriage is a life-long commitment.  Even so, our culture sees marriage as a convenience at best and a hindrance at worst, so much so, that folks often ask whether a person is married or happy.  The assumption is we can’t be both.  The reality is just like everything else in life that’s worthwhile marriages take huge investments of time, energy and effort to be healthy and lasting.  “Falling in love” is easy.  Living in love is a challenge.  Falling in love actually requires no effort at all, and has very little to do with commitment. 

     I remember when I fell in love with Nancy.  I was sure I was “in love”, but I wanted to make sure, so I asked my sister-in-law how to know when you’ve found the right person.  I asked her, because I didn’t think my brother would have a clue.  She said, “You’ll just know.”  But even when you “just know,” that isn’t enough, because that’s all based on how you feel, and feelings are like the weather—they change frequently and often rapidly.  I’m sure if Nancy and I had lived our lives based totally on how we felt at particular times, we’d have been divorced decades ago.  I don’t know about her, but I wouldn’t have shown up for work very often either.  Feelings are a poor foundation for anything involving commitment in our lives.

     The second instruction we can draw from Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:31-32 and Mark 10:2b-12 is this:  2) Divorce cannot happen for any and every reason.  It can’t happen just because you’re not “feelin’ it” any more.  In fact the only reason Jesus gave us for permitting divorce is porneia.  Even then it isn’t required.  It’s just permitted.  Jesus said marriage is God’s plan. He’s the one who brings a man and woman together.  When they join their lives together as one in His presence, no one is to separate them.  But even when the man and woman are Christians, sometimes, actually quite often in our culture, things do separate them.  I’ve been saying in pre-marital counseling for 24 years now, if a couple will put God first, if they will truly leave, cleave and achieve oneness their marriage will last.  But it takes work—work from both sides.  One spouse can’t make a marriage healthy or lasting.  It takes two.  Sometimes, over time, that’s easy to forget.  This morning’s worship drama helps us see we either focus on what’s right about our lives together, or what’s wrong.  Let’s turn our attention to the drama now.  It’s titled:  The Door.

[Worship Drama—“The Door”]

     Most of us who are married want the “door” to be open.  We want to understand each other better.  We want to communicate more effectively.  We want to love each other with the kind of love that Jesus first loved us.  But all too often we let the world’s image of marriage get in the way.  A long time ago Nancy and I attended a Family Life Marriage Conference.  It was when they had first come out, and while I don’t remember everything that was said that weekend, there’s one thing that has always stayed with me:  The world sees marriage as a 50-50, performance relationship.  Have you ever heard that?  Maybe not in those words, but have you ever heard that the goal of marriage is for you to do your half and your spouse to do her or his half?  The idea is everything gets divided up: the chores, time with the kids, free time, etc…

A “perfect marriage” is 50-50.  The idea is a lie. First of all, how can you ever know what 50-50 really is?  Is mowing the grass equal to two loads of laundry? Three? Five?  Is changing two dirty diapers equal to making two meals? One? A pan of Rice Krispie treats?  What happens if I get sick and can’t do my part for a week or two? Then when I get better do I do everything for that week and the next?   

     The reality is marriage is a 100-100 cooperative relationship!  Each of us who is married is called to give 100% of ourselves to God and to our spouses, and to recognize that only by working together will we ever accomplish what God has planned for our families.  That doesn’t mean we don’t sit down and define roles:  who’s going to cook, who’s going to mow the grass, who’s going to clean the toilet, and so on.  It means we don’t dole out the responsibilities as if there’s a “scale” and all the responsibilities have to “balance” 50-50. 

     Okay, let’s move on to the final two realities Jesus addressed in today’s Scriptures:  3) Divorce is permitted when a spouse has committed “porneia, and; 4) Once a spouse has divorced for any other reason, remarriage is adultery.  If a spouse has broken the leave, cleave, and achieve oneness intention of marriage, through sexual immorality, unfaithfulness, or abuse, then the other spouse is permitted to divorce him or her.  Even then the goal is reconciliation, but Jesus recognized that in human relationships the goal is not always attained. Jesus calls us to reconciliation even with our enemies, so He certainly calls us to reconciliation with our spouses, those with whom we are, or were at one time, “in love.”  Divorce is never to be carried out lightly, as it so often is in our culture.  Frankly, most couples divorce long before they ever learn how to genuinely love each other, because love takes work. 

     I’ve had people tell me, “If you have to work at your marriage then it isn’t much of a marriage.  If you have to work at loving your husband or wife, then there must not be much love there.”  Nothing could be farther from the truth!  Everything in life that’s worthwhile takes work.  We don’t naturally grow as Jesus’ followers.  We don’t naturally read our Bibles, or pray, or fast, or serve one another in love.  None of those things comes naturally.  Then why would we assume that marriage would be natural and effortless.  I know people who’ve put far more effort into their golf game, or their hair than they have into their marriages.  Being honest, when I was in my twenties, I used to put far more effort into softball than I did into my marriage.  In my thirties, I often put far more effort into building a church than I did into building my marriage.  Only fairly recently have I acted on the reality that next to God, Nancy is my most important priority.  I’ve always known that, but putting it into action is another thing.  If I succeed at everything else I do for the rest of my life and fail at being a faithful husband, then that “success” will be hollow.

     Marriages like all relationships in life are built on mutual love and respect. For more on that read Ephesians 5:21-33.  For now, suffice it to say that love requires listening—not just hearing; responding—not just nodding our heads; acting—not just promising to do something; and enjoying one another—not just being selfish.  Respect simply means valuing your spouse’s attempts to show you love, even if they aren’t perfect.

     Now, for the final point: 4) Once a spouse has divorced for any other reason, remarriage is adultery.  Jesus tells us if our spouse commits “porneia” and we get divorced, we’re free to marry again.  If we divorce our spouse for any other reason and remarry, we commit adultery.  The reason it’s adultery, is because by God’s standard we had no basis for ending our marriage in the first place.  What does that mean for those here today who HAVE been divorced for reasons other than “porneia” and gotten remarried?  It means you’ve sinned, just as I’ve sinned when I’ve been angry at someone driving down the road in a manner I didn’t like, or any of us have sinned when we gossip, or broken any of God’s laws.  According to God’s word, all of us have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.  The sticky question we must address in this  particular case, though, is: “Does the person continue to commit adultery by remaining married to the second person?”  Jesus doesn’t tell us.  Does it mean living in a perpetual state of sin to enter a second marriage, when the first marriage ended for any reason other than “porneia”?  I don’t know.  I honestly don’t know, because Jesus leaves us hanging on the matter. 

     What I do know is we can’t ever take divorce lightly as followers of Jesus.  We can’t go along with our culture and say that any reason is a good enough reason for divorce.  I know sometimes one spouse just walks away from a marriage and the remaining spouse has nothing to say or do about it.  In those cases, I can’t believe God would say the remaining spouse sins by remarrying.  He or she had no say in the matter.  To be treated in that way has to be porneia, doesn’t it?  We also have to remember that we’re only talking about believers here this morning.  If a person or a couple don’t trust Jesus as Savior and Lord, and they get a divorce and then become followers of Jesus, that’s totally different than if two believing spouses divorce.  After all, God doesn’t hold us accountable to a life in Him, until we have a life in Him.  Certainly if we die without having a saving relationship with Jesus, we’ll be judged for that, but as we live this life, only followers of Jesus are held to Jesus’ standards.  There Sermon on the Mount is for Jesus’ disciples, right?  

     Our God is an amazingly loving and gracious God, whose deepest desire is that we love Him and live according to His design for our lives.  When we do that our lives are so much more joyful than when we don’t.  Jesus also told us that every sin we commit may be forgiven but the sin against the Holy Spirit, and divorce is not the sin against the Holy Spirit.  I’ve had people be really upset with me after preaching on divorce in the past.  One time a person came up to me and said, “I can’t believe you just called me a sinner, because I’ve been divorced.”  I said, “I didn’t call you a sinner.  I just told you what Jesus said, and the reality is we’re ALL sinners.”  Please understand my heart here this morning:  it is to preach God’s word as clearly as possible and with as much grace as possible.  This is one of the toughest Scriptures in the New Testament.  I can’t soften Jesus’ words, just because our culture has chosen to ignore them. My calling is to be faithful to Him, and that’s your calling as well.  That calling isn’t just for when it’s convenient or politically correct.  It’s a 24/7/365 calling.

     So, here’s TODAY’S CHALLENGE:  I will love God first, my spouse second (if married), and I will rely on the Holy Spirit to build up my family and me, so we may be faithful witnesses of Jesus’ salvation in our community.  That’s probably the longest challenge I’ve ever given, and I know you won’t remember it word for word, but here’s the gist of it:  Love God, Love your spouse, Let the Holy Spirit Lead.  As we do that, we can be sure that our families will be healthier and our community will see God at work in them.  I believe others are as likely to be drawn to Jesus through the model of a loving Christian marriage and family anything we can do.   It’s one more visible and practical way we can participate in God’s rescue mission. 

     Please stand with me.  If you’re married, I want to both challenge and encourage you to love God first and your spouse second, AND to invest at least as much time and energy in your marriage as you invested during that time when you first “fell in love.”  If you aren’t married, I want to challenge and encourage you to love God, and to support those who ARE married by praying for them, by affirming couples when you see them living God’s intention of leaving, cleaving and achieving oneness.  If you’ve been divorced for whatever reason this morning, I want you to know that God’s grace is sufficient for every person in every situation, and to rely on Him to sustain you and strengthen you to live in and through Him.  If you’re in that stage of life where you’re falling in love or will be—remember:  falling in love is a great feeling, but feelings aren’t the foundation of marriage: Jesus is.  So commit to Him now, and commit any relationship you have with a potential spouse to Him right now, that all areas of your life may be built on the firm foundation of Jesus.  Let’s pray…………. Amen.